Mothers day...

Well, it kinda sucks...



Unless your part of an adoption triad you dont know that May 8th (always the saturday before mothers day) this year is BirthMoms Day. Its a day set aside to honor mothers who placed their children into adoption so that they can have a better life.



Well, lets top that off with a son I never get to see, and a daughter who really loves me more then I can understand.



I dont know how im going to do this.



On BMothers day i'll be with Alex for his birthday (I hope) and all his family is going to be there. So really, how much time am I going to be able to spend with him?



Sometimes I wonder if im doing the right thing by staying in his life. What if I ask Nate "Ok... why dont you e-mail me, and keep me up to date on Alex, and send me photos, etc." I mean, I do those things for Kats father and her family. What is so wrong about him doing those things for me?



I want to know about my son, i do, more than anything. Why doesnt he understand that?



I wish men like him had to carry children inside of them for 9 months, and then have someone else raise them while they only got minimal contact and visitations, and that all instances were twisted and all promises for visits were broken, and all letters were stolen and all cards were "lost". I wish someone could make him feel all the heart break i feel.



I think i'll do a video blog tonight....

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